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The satirical magazine published its own version of the AP’s Top 25 weekly poll, ranking the world’s top terrorists. Listed fifth behind the Ku Klux Klan is Duke’s basketball team in what appears to be the magazine’s effort to revive a Duke - Michigan rivalry that has flat-lined since the 1990s. Duke has won 22 times in the teams’ last 30 meetings. MORE: Most shocking tournament upsets | Bubble watch | Chris Jones headed to anger management...

Line: Michigan State -6.5 Total: 137 MORE: College hoops live odds | ATS standings Trends: MSU 17-4 SU, 11-9 ATS, 8-12 O/U. NW 15-6 SU, 10-9-2 ATS, 9-11-1 O/U. KenPom efficiency ratings: MSU 13 (overall), 10 (offense), 42 (defense). NW 80, 80, 99 Effective FG percentage: MSU 54.2, NW 53.3 EFG% against: MSU 41.9, NW 46.1 Analysis: Sparty snapped a three-game losing streak with a home win over Maryland on Saturday and now faces a Northwestern team that’s 4-6 ATS at home this season....

The scene was this: a dejected Branden Dawson sitting on the bench with his head in his hands. A trainer came over and nudged him, revealing a handful of Starbursts candy. Dawson perked up like, well…a kid in a candy shop. MORE: MAAC game ends in brawl | Kentucky more than halfway to perfect | 13 teams who could miss the tourney Cut to three weeks later. Before Michigan State’s tip against rival Michigan on Sunday, members of the Izzone received packs of Starburst while waiting in line (and a few inches of snow) to enter the Breslin Center....

It was, as MLive.com noted, a case of adding insult to injury — quite literally. MORE: Social media not helping Jimbo Fisher | Dan Mullen displeased with Harbaugh’s camps The injury and violation, subsequently self-reported by Michigan State, happened Aug. 7, 2014, when Barnett played a one-on-one basketball game against Khari Willis, a prospect who eventually became part of the Spartans’ 2015 recruiting class. It turns out that what head coach Mark Dantonio and Barnett thought was merely a pickup game gone bad when Barnett suffered the torn Achilles was, in fact, deemed to be a Level III violation, MLive....

With 10 seconds left in regulation and Michigan facing fourth down, all punter Blake O’Neill had to do was kick the ball down the field to essentially end the game barring a crazy Hail Mary play by the Spartans. Uh… oops. MORE: Week 7 photos | MSU-UM: What we learned | Is Corey Coleman the best ever? Michigan State safety Jalen Watts-Jackson scooped up the fumble and returned it 38 yards to give Sparty a 27-23 win....

“This is a serious problem on our campus…. We have a lot of students who are experiencing sexual assault in their time here,” Rebecca Campbell, professor of psychology and adviser to the president on relationship violence and sexual misconduct issues, told WKAR, an MSU-owned radio station. To help shape policies, during the spring semester MSU conducted a survey of more than 15,000 students, faculty and staff members about sexual misconduct on campus....

Kickoff is scheduled for 7:30 p.m. ET at Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fla. The game will be televised on ESPN. It’s another classic Big Ten vs. SEC matchup, even if this is the first time the schools have played since 1965. Michigan (12-1) is making its first CFP appearances under coach Jim Harbaugh. The Wolverines beat Ohio State for the first time since 2011 and won the Big Ten championship for the first time since 2004....

That will happen this Friday night, April 24 when he brings his “Mick Foley: Cheap Pops!” comedy show to Full Sail University in Winter Park, Fla., which is also the home of the WWE NXT television show. The event will be taped by the sports entertainment company to air on the WWE Network. MORE: Five things we learned from Raw | Ronda Rousey ready to be back in WWE ring “I’m really excited,” Foley said....

It was July 31, 1982: a night game at Shea Stadium won by the Mets, 9-4, the loss dropping the Pirates to 3 1/2 games behind the first-place Phillies. Afterward, I entered the visiting clubhouse and walked into the manager’s office. I’ve no recollection how many reporters joined me. It was a night off for the great Charley Feeney, because the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette didn’t have a Sunday paper then. Russ Franke of the Pittsburgh Press might have been there....

The broader truth, though, is that everybody is preparing for war. American forces have stepped up exercises: three major ones are now underway in Kuwait or off its coast, another began recently in Qatar and Special Forces start training this week in Jordan. The U.S. Army’s CENTCOM is practicing relocation of its Tampa war headquarters to the sprawling al Udeid air base in Qatar. After a slow start this year, U....

You can improve much of this by watching what you eat and exercising more. While most doctors suggest 200 minutes of exercise a week to maintain your weight, midlife women need to do 300 minutes to achieve the same goal. One recent study of 164 overweight and obese women in Minnesota suggested that lifting weights may be one of the best ways to beat belly fat. Women who did supervised weight training for two years had only a 7 percent increase in intra-abdominal fat, compared with 21 percent for women who were just given exercise advice....

Hoffman (“One Fine Day”) makes some dubious moves. He miscegenates chunks of Mendelssohn’s celebrated music with gobbets of Italian opera. His forest, built on a sound stage, looks stagy and airless. But much of this magical, wise, sardonic, sexy play comes through. Michelle Pfeiffer’s Titania is radioactively beautiful. Stanley Tucci’s Puck is amusingly jaded after centuries of playing tricks on hapless mortals. Calista Flockhart de-McBeals herself and cuts loose as Helena, the girl nobody wants....

Politico was first to report on Zeldin’s deliberations after obtaining an email Zeldin sent to RNC members on Thursday. Zeldin later retweeted a link to Politico’s article and wrote, “It is time nationally for the Republican Party to retool, transform, win back the Presidency in 2024, expand our number of GOP-held seats in Congress, and elect the maximum number of down-ballot candidates across the country.” Matt Rinaldi, the chairman for the Republican Party of Texas, commented on Twitter about Zeldin potentially running for the position, which Zeldin then retweeted....

Migraine surgery is intended to be a one-time procedure, with the goal of alleviating the need to use acute migraine medications and chronic prophylactic medications. More than one type of technique has been proposed with the goal of “deactivating trigger sites.” In other words, those procedures aim to release peripheral nerves in the head and neck that are believed to be compressed, triggering the migraines. How It Works Migraine surgery is based on the same principles as other interventional techniques used in migraine prevention....

Advocates, who described conditions as lacking and troublesome, interviewed more than a dozen migrant children being held at the facilities between March and June. They filed cases for the children Monday with a Los Angeles federal court that determines custody for unaccompanied minors who crossed the border. Despite record highs in the number of children crossing the border, the Biden administration points to notable improvements in addressing problems. Children housed in emergency shelters dropped from a peak of approximately 14,500 in April to 8,000 currently, the Department of Health and Human Services said....

A young Indians fan who snagged a foul liner Tuesday in Cleveland humorously bantered with Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera after the catch, boasting to the slugger, “I’ve got your back!” MORE: Dad costs Cubs an out with barehanded grab | Wrigley Field sky looks like disaster movie Cabrera reciprocated, letting the boy know the respect was mutual. Cabrera escalated the bro love between innings when he gave the boy a bat and batting gloves....

D’Antoni has one more season remaining on his current deal and will return to coach a final year in Houston, according to the report. The 68-year-old D’Antoni has taken the Rockets to a new level in the regular season in his three seasons there, as he’s compiled a 173-73 mark. But the Rockets have been ousted the past two years from the playoffs by the Warriors in disappointing circumstances, losing a 3-2 series lead in the Western Conference finals last season and then falling to a hobbled Golden State squad, 4-2, in the semifinals this season....

Bellator announced Tuesday afternoon that it has signed former UFC broadcaster Mike Goldberg along with former PRIDE and Strikeforce commentator Mauro Ranallo. The duo will first team up on Spike TV for Bellator 180 on Saturday, June 24. “Mike Goldberg and Mauro Ranallo are two of the best in our business and I couldn’t be happier about them joining the Bellator family,” said Bellator MMA president Scott Coker. “In addition to June 24, we look forward to working together to make future Spike broadcasts even more exciting for our fans as we add further depth to an already-exceptional broadcast team....

Sharapova retired last week aged 32, revealing her body had become a “distraction” after being troubled by injury problems for much of her career. The former world number one was out for nine months following a first operation in 2008 and coach Joyce had to work on remodelling the Russian’s powerful serve in order to prolong her career. Sharapova won the French Open twice following her return to take her major haul to five and complete a career Grand Slam, but could not add to that tally after a 2014 triumph at Roland Garros....

Safarova brought Sharapova’s title defense to an abrupt end with some stunning forehand shots and resilient service games at Roland Garros. MORE: Tsonga upsets No. 4 Berdych | Nadal advances | American French Open winners A third break of the Sharapova serve in the match sealed the victory, Safarova having created her second match point with a cross-court forehand that the second seed could not get near. Safarova had a solid start to the match with an early break in the third game, yet that seemed to spark Sharapova as the Russian raised her game as she fired some powerful groundstrokes from the baseline....